Let's Play Make Believe

Step 1 of my career make over is to fill out a lengthy form from the outplacement service so that they can get to know me better.  As I mentioned in my previous blog some of the information got a little too personal and irrelevant for my tastes.  That said, nothing (and I mean nothing) prepared me for the online charade game they asked for next.

Since my sarcasm couldn't possible do justice to this I have included their questions verbatim and have offered up how I thought about answering the questions.....

"These questions in this section are hypothetical.  Please fill this Section out as if you were applying for the job that you hope to find"

What is the position you are applying?
CEO of Remote Tropical Island 

What other positions are you qualified to hold?
Chief Bottle Washer 
Chief Cocktail Mixer


Salary required now, next year, 5 years, 10 years?
Now- $5MM, next year $10MM, 5 years $20MM, and 10 years $50MM

What is your ultimate financial goal?
Unlimited bank accounts, private jet and yacht, personal staff, helicopter, fancy car

What is your understanding of the responsibilities involved in the specific position for which you are applying?
Strolling around island to ensure all systems are maintained and functioning efficiently and effectively.

In which of these areas are you now thoroughly competent?
Strolling

In which of these areas do you expect to improve yourself after employment?
Build strolling endurance, sun tanning, drinking tolerance

How did you hear about our company?
Huh? 

Why do you wish to work for it?
Huh?

Have you ever applied for a position with this company before? If so, describe?
Nope.... pretty sure I haven't.

Do you have any relatives now working for this company?
Per previous blog, Gertrude and Harvey (names changed to prevent them from being embarrassed by their daughter's blog) currently reside off the grid in a tee pee.

Through what means did you apply?
OWL

What aspects of your employment experience have you liked least and why?
The whole Boss-thing... they can really be a drag, being politically correct, and leaving my dogs at home while I go to work.  They look so sad when I leave and realistically they should be welcome in any place of business... plus scientific studies have clearly demonstrated that pets in the workplace lower blood pressure and boost productivity.   

In what kinds of work are you most confident in yourself?
Just being ME!!

What other kinds of work would you like to try?
Snorkel instructor, flower picker, nap taking, star counting

Would you like to start your own business?   What kind?
Good question.... but why would I want my own business when you are going to pay me $5MM a year.


"It is too bad that stupidity isn't painful"- Anton LaVey