The Talk

Last Tuesday I was summoned down to the small conference room with my manager for what turned out to be "The Talk".  Not the usual Talk, but the one about how my job had been eliminated and I was now unemployed.  While I must admit I did have a slight sinking feeling in my stomach, what I felt mostly was relief.  I now was free!  Now my first quandry.... so I pretend to be upset or do I graciously shake their hands and skip happily out of the room?

For whatever reason, perhaps it was professional instinct, I chose the first as they may have called the padded wagon for me with the second.  As I sat there watching the HR manager's head bob up and down while telling me she was going to take me line-by-line through my severance agreement all I could think of was.... I am Free! I am Free! I am Free! and oh crap I really need to call my husband.

For some odd reason they wouldn't let me go back to my desk to retrieve my cell phone to call my husband, but rather insisted that I call him from the conference room.  That was fine with me but I was told I could only have the room for 10 minutes because they needed it back for the next person getting The Talk.  As luck would have it my husband didn't pick up and I was allowed to go upstairs to pack my stuff, only to find several voicemails from my child's school telling me she was sick and needed to be picked up.

At no other time in my career has "I am packing up right now and will be there as soon as I can" have such meaning.  Within 45 minutes of the start of The Talk I was boxed up and out the door heading to the school.... and who knows what else?

I decided to start this blog after that fateful meeting.  The experiences I have had in the last week have been surreal at best and I thought it would be fun to share some of the most humorous and absurd ones as I journey through this process, as truly no one in their wildest imagination or under any type of influence, could possibly make them up.

Turns out as part of my severance I now have access to  a outplacement service... a what?  Never heard of one of those before....but rest assured that only having 6 days of dealing with them I have a running list of topics for future blogs.  They do it all for you and they pride themselves being there with you through the end....  how long do they think this is going to take? 

But first things first I had to fill out a gazillion (yes a gazillion) online forms telling them who I am and my experience.  Pretty typical stuff. Then they asked for my parents names, their occupations, city of residence, my children's name and ages, my personal values, my financial values, and what don't I like about people....which I was promised all have a tremendous impact on my next position.

I find it curious that where my parents live and their professions play such a huge role in my future career success.  If my parents live off the grid in a tee pee in the Arizona desert raising prickly pear cactus is that a good thing or a bad thing?  Does it signal that I come from hearty, adaptable stock or that I am more comfortable being closer to nature with no schedule and a sturdy pair of Birkenstocks?  Needless to say I declined to answer.

As a recruiter told me last week, I will go through all the stages of loss... which to this point have included....thank god I don't have to come here anymore, oh no how am I going to pay the bills, what do you mean I can't go shoe shopping, dictator-like energy conservation, to lastly (as of this morning), now that I am home I have tons of ideas of how to improve the house.

Since this is a new adventure for me I would love to hear any thoughts and experiences on finding the right job that allows you to successfully balance family, work, and time for yourself... or anything else that comes across your mind as you read about my adventures on the road to employment.  because as Bill Nye said:

"The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it."