The sessions were held in an office building that rents offices by the hour... I am not kidding. There are literally about 75 small offices lined up on a floor, each with its own tacky Japanese art. My "office" had a candle sitting on rocks with a stick of dried bamboo..... I was tempted to see if they would charge more if I actually lit the candle. My coach insisted that I sit behind the desk as if this would help bolster my bruised-unemployed ego.
We started off Day 1 with a heated discussion as to what the outplacement service actually provides as a service. Since they don't help me find a job I was curious to know how spending 2 days with them was going to get the cash flowing again. I was advised that by listening to their expertise and role-playing that I would find a job much faster than I would on my own. According to the nifty chart, the Service places people in 3 months vs. 8 months without them. I again asked.... if you won't help me identify jobs how am I going to be employed in 3 months? Oh and by the way, this chica doesn't do role-playing.
First we worked through some of their infamous surveys and my coach literally wrote out verbatim the answers I am supposed to give to potential employers. My personal favorite was.... when the interviewer asks if I would like a cup of coffee I am supposed to say "yes" regardless of whether or not I want/like coffee. According to their research, which I am learning is nothing like the research I learned in school, having coffee is considered a positive thing. But what if I don't want to have coffee breath for the rest of the interviews?
On Day 2 we moved on to my resume and networking. My coach informed me that she was not an expert on resumes. Nothing like instilling confidence from the get-go. Come to find out (and I am not exaggerating) she doesn't even know how to use Word. I suggested that she "Select All" to change the font type and she asked "Select who?" The networking part was equally mind-boggling. I was coached how to hold a conversation with people that I know and how to delicately dance around the fact that I was laid off. Needless to say Day 2 was shorter than Day 1.
Overall it is 2 days that I will not get back in my life but I now have 100 copies of a resume (and matching envelopes) that I have absolutely no intention of ever sending out or in other words my kids now have fancy-schmancy scrap paper for their artwork.
On a very bright side, my 20-month old daughter and I were walking around our garden yesterday and saw the ultimate sign that spring is on its way.... the daffodils are coming up. Considering my job search adventures in the past week I think Ralph Waldo Emerson summed it up perfectly:
The Earth laughs in flowers.
You're supposed to take the coffee? What if you don't like coffee?
ReplyDeleteThus far, this placement group does not seem to be very credible.