Tomorrow it will officially be one month since I was sprung from the Big House. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what has happened in the past 4 weeks and thought I would share some of the most memorable and amusing.
I was afraid that my friends at the outplacement service had abandoned me in the wilds of unemployment but miraculously yesterday they came through with fresh blogging material that I guarantee will not disappoint. Yesterday they sent me the top 15 companies in the Chicago area that I should consider networking. During my coaching session I was asked to list the cities and companies that I would like to work for in the Chicago area and I could only list 6 cities. For those familiar with the Chicago area this is beyond laughable as there are many, many cities surrounding Chicago. So as a nutritionist I picked the cities where I knew there were food/beverage companies.... not that I was really interested in the companies but perhaps it would give me an idea of how hard they actually work.
Perusing the list I have to point out that not one company makes anything remotely edible including pharmaceutical, food, drug, supplement, candy, tobacco.... nada. They highlighted (and I am not kidding) The Black Tie Formal Wear Company, the Fraternal Order of the Elks, the Apartment Finder People, an online security company, and a company that sells scooters. While I am sure these are all lovely institutions I am struggling a tad to decipher just how I will use my nutrition background with these companies: "Excuse me sir, I see that we don't have any tuxes in your size, can I enroll you in the latest weight loss clinical trial?" or "Order of the Elks Dudes, let's talk carb loading beyond cheap beer at the Lodge?" or "Eat more so that we can sell more scooters!"
Surprisingly my coach was a bit surprised that I didn't find the list helpful. She is now pushing their concierge level service which will send my resume and cover letter out to tons of search firms in the hopes of finding me something.... what's next.... trapeze girl for the circus (because I definitely have the core for that after 2 kids) or car wash attendant?
Enough about them.... on to the positive & amusing side.... here are some highlights from the past 4 weeks:
1. I have had the chance to spend more time with my kids and actually get to know the moms in my daughter's kindergarten class. Right now our little one is currently sleeping in my lap so I have resorted to one handed typing..... all together now....awwwww!
2. Through the ultimate acts of kindness from a couple of friends I have picked up some small writing projects to help with the cash flow.
3. I have heard on one of those projects "Great job.... how about some other projects?" Can't remember the last time I heard those words in corporate America. Perhaps I am not the incompetent my previous boss thought I was.
4. I started my own nutrition consulting company and set it up as a LLC.....I never would have done that while working full-time. In fact I had no idea what an LLC was until 2 weeks ago.
5. In several weak moments I have resorted to shopping at Walmart... but on the upside I think I am going to set an ambitious goal and try to get my picture in the "People of Walmart" email that goes around periodically... stay tuned for that stunning photographic moment.
6. My 6-year old asks me if I have a job yet every time she sees me on the computer.
7. My dogs have become permanent fuzzy couch potatoes and are not one bit ashamed by it.
8. Last, but certainly not least, I have worn elastic-wasted pants almost every single day, have lost 7 pounds, haven't even thought about ironing or plugging in my flat iron, and have worn nothing more than crocs, slippers, and tennis shoes..... and I am LOVING IT!!! Flip flop season is just around the corner.
All in all it hasn't been that bad being an unwanted prison escapee.
People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile. ~Lee Mildon....think Wally World here!
What do nudists wear on casual Fridays? ~Author Unknown
That is hilarious! How exactly does your PhD in nutrition meet the job requirements of the Fraternal Order of the Elks? I'd like to know!!! Maybe they will hire me too?
ReplyDeleteAnd once your commute to work is walking down the stairs, it's hard to go back to that "other world".